Velvet the Bogan
by FlawedVictori
Summary: Definitely Crack. "Velvet Scarlatina, Coco knew, was normally a kind, calm girl. However, Coco thought as she felt the back of her head impact the tree and saw her calm, nice, saintly girlfriend's face twist with rage, these weren't exactly normal circumstances."
1. Chapter 1

**There's Not Enough Soap In The World**

 _ **A/N: So... sorry. Just... I'm sorry. It's just a little idiotic idea I had that I had to write out. Enjoy? And I usually can't stand caps lock, but I feel it was necessary in this case. For plot stuff... uh, Fox and Yats are fighting their own grimm in a different part of the forest. Alright? Alright.**_

Velvet Scarlatina, Coco knew, was normally a kind, calm girl.

Normally, she never had a rude word for anyone.

Normally, the worst 'curse' she ever said was darn, and she always covered her mouth after that, apologizing for offending anyone.

Normally, Coco had to psyche her up before fights to even get her to the point of being willing to kill grimm.

However, Coco thought as she felt the back of her head impact the tree and saw her calm, nice, _saintly_ girlfriend's face twist with rage, these weren't exactly _normal_ circumstances.

"Which one of you _bastards_ hit my girl?! I'M GONNA STOMP YOUR FUCKING CUNT IN, YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

The faunus kicked off of an ursa and launched herself at the next one, the reverberating crack sounding like an angelic choir to Coco as she struggled to stand.

Velvet kept up a constant stream of vulgarity as she lunged towards each enemy, taking them down with a viciousness Coco sometimes forgot she could call on.

"COME ON, YOU BUNCH OF LIMP-DICKED SHITHEADS! I'LL SLAM MY FUCKING LADYBONER SO FAR DOWN YOUR GODDAMN THROATS YOU'LL FEEL IT POKING OUT YOUR ARSEHOLE!"

She kicked an ursa into it's buddy, then lunged forward and stomped a hole in both of their throats.

"HOWS IT FEEL GETTING BEAT BY A GIRL, YOU INSIGNIFICANT CUMGOBBLING FUCKS?!"

Coco shook her head as she finally got to her feet, watching Velvet stomp the last living Ursa repeatedly.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU TOUCH HER, YOU FUCKING-" The faunus' head snapped up, and the anger in them was replaced with the same tenderness Coco had fallen for. "Coco?"

Coco chuckled. "Kill it already, so we can go find the others."

Velvet nodded and slammed her foot down onto the creatures head, both girls ignoring the splatter. They began walking north, towards the rendezvous point.

"So, ba- Coco... Uh... how much of that-" Velvet started, looking away.

"All of it. Pretty sure everyone at Beacon did." Coco bumped her hip against the smaller girl's, and smiled when she saw Velvet's pout.

"Well, uhm..." Velvet started.

"Aw, _babe_ ," Velvet flushed, and Coco's grin widened. "I thought it was cute, watching you kill grimm for me. It's kinda nice to know you'd freak out like that if I got hurt."

Velvet swallowed. "Well, you know... I care about you. I'm sorry you had to hear all of that, though..."

Coco stopped and waited. Sure enough, Velvet turned around to see what was wrong, and she pulled the smaller girl in for a quick kiss, briefly brushing their lips together before taking the faunus' hand in her own and continuing the trek.

"It's fine, Velvet. It's okay to get mad, y'know." She sent the girl a smile, which she returned shyly.

Coco's heart nearly melted at the sight.

"Now, lets hurry up a bit, alright? The sooner we find those two, the sooner we can go back to Beacon and take care of that 'ladyboner' of yours."

Coco bumped her hip against Velvet's again, noting the faunus' growing similarity to a tomato as she tried to stammer out some kind of response.

 _ **A/N:Quick Explanation; A Bogan is essentially Australia's answer to trailer trash, for the American readers. Bogans have the reputation for being foul mouthed and violent. Obviously this is almost assuredly not true for every lower-class citizen, but the idea of Velvet playing up the stereotype was too funny to pass up.**_


	2. Slightly Less Justified

**Slightly Less Justified (Velvet "Mogar" Scarlatina)**

 _ **A/N: Forgetting to mark a fic as complete means I have to write another chapter for it. It's a personal rule. So, you guys get this, which was a vague idea that I had some help forming into a 'real' chapter. Shoutout to InductionMagnet and MaliceUnchained for helping me bounce the original idea around.**_

When Velvet's character __was knocked off screen by Coco's, she shrugged and kept playing.

Coco had always been better at these games, after all. She'd always managed to win against any opponent, and usually by a wide margin, at that. Expecting to suddenly become capable of beating her was asking quite a lot.

It's when Yatsuhashi knocks her off the stage that she feels the first flash of anger. She quashes it fairly quickly, but not before Coco shoots her a knowing smile.

After all, it's the first time she's ever seen him play any video game. It'd taken Coco five minutes to show him how to correctly hold the controller. Getting beaten by someone with no experience was surely enough to fray anyone's nerves.

But still, she keeps her anger under wraps, and even claps her partner on the shoulder, receiving a silent nod.

It's when Fox shoots her perfectly with an arrow from across the entire screen and knocks her last life off that she starts letting her emotions out.

She shoots to her feet, dropping the controller from her hand. Coco turned towards her, a sly little smirk on her face.

"HOW IN THE GODDAMNED SHIT-TITS DID YOU HIT ME FROM THERE?" She shouts, waving her arms wildly.

Fox shrugs. "I just lined up the shot, and-"

Velvet glares, and he cuts off.

"Did Velvet just stare Fox down?" Coco whispers.

Yatsuhashi nods.

Coco swallows. "But he's _blind_."

Yatsuhashi nods again.

Velvet looks to be coming up with another verbal barrage when a noise from the TV gives them all pause.

"Game! And the winner is... Zelda!"

Velvet turned to the screen, seeing Fox's character strike a pose as the others clapped in the background.

Her own green-clothed adventurer was the farthest away, a spot which Velvet was familiar with, it being the standard placement for whoever came in last place.

"H-how... HOW DID YOU WIN, YOU BLIND WANKER? HOW?"

Yatsuhashi chuckled, and Coco giggled.

"WHAT'RE YOU LAUGHING AT?"

Coco smiled up at her. "Your nose twitches when you're mad. It's really cute."

Velvet blushed. "I... I'm... thanks, ba-Coco."

Fox muttered something about the mood change giving him whiplash.

"I'LL GIVE YOU WHIPLASH! BRING IT!"

"You know, the whole, cute when your angry thing won't help you much against the blind guy." He said, standing. "If you wanna go spar, I'm all for it. I just hope you'll still be cute afterward, or Coco will kill me."

Coco nodded.

"I AM NOT 'CUTE!' I AM THE HARBINGER OF YOUR DESTRUCTION YOU DIM-WITTED KNOB-STRADDLER!" Velvet roared.

Fox shrugged. "Fine, I take it back. You're not cute." He left the room, Velvet storming out after him.

Coco stretched out on her bed. "Yats, you wanna go stop them?"

He shook his head.

"Yeah, me either."

 **/Omake-Time to D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!/**

The members of team CFVY and team RWBY sat around the room, watching with bated breath.

Well, except for Fox, obviously.

They watched as each tem''s chosen champion crossed the finish line.

It'd been neck and neck the entire race, and more than a few bets had been placed.

Yang, in particular, had bet her hair against Coco's favorite beret that Velvet wouldn't beat Weiss.

Coco had taken the bet without a second thought, confident in her girlfriend's abilities.

As the results screen finally came up, Ruby uttered the thought on everyone's (Again, except Fox's) mind.

"Did they seriously tie for last? I didn't even know you could _do_ that."


End file.
